We desire to express ourselves in relationships, be authentic, share our vulnerabilities and successes, and… be accepted and loved for all of that.

At the same time, this desire brings deep fear that when we expose ourselves fully we’ll be rejected.

Or we fear that the other person will expose themselves to us and we won’t be able to accept them with their shadow.

This fear activates in us our inner Perfectionist, Critic, and Controller and we project them onto the other person.

If you recognize this fear in yourself:

  1. By recognizing and acknowledging it in yourself you’ve already done half the work. Seriously. The first step to healing anything is always taking responsibility for it.
  2. The universal rule to deal with fear is: accepting instead of fighting.
    The more you fight it the more you strengthen it. And exhaust yourself.

Accept that you have a right to feel fearful whenever you open up and expose yourself.
And that other person has that right too 🙂

  1. Express it. Say about your fear.
    To that person or just to yourself.

Feeling it and verbalizing it significantly reduces the fear.

  1. Ask yourself what specifically are you afraid of. Rejection? Judgment? Not being understood? Repeating some negative story from the past?

Clarifying is like switching on the light in a dark room to confront the monster 🙂

  1. Do it anyway 🙂

Express yourself. Be authentic. Show your emotions.

You’re doing it to honor and strengthen yourself!


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