Healthy or Mature Jealousy says:

„Oh, I didn’t know I wanted this” – something that someone did or has or is like.

I wasn’t aware that I also crave that.

But thanks to that person I realize that.

Since that person did it/ created it/ became it – so I can too. So now I can go for it.

And I can express my appreciation for this person. Frankly.

Because I feel that she/ he helped me realize and showed me the way to something precious I want as well.

Toxic or immature Jealousy is about criticizing or punishing or even destroying someone for something that she or he has that I don’t.

Or about diminishing, punishing, or hurting myself because I cannot achieve or have something that that other person did or has.

In both cases, toxic Jealousy is destructive to the person who feels it.

And as usual, to switch from toxic to healthy Jealousy is to change the perspective you judge yourself and others from.

So again, the healthy perspective here is:

  • I’m grateful that this person shows me what I feel I lack in my life
  • since that person can – I can too. And yes, it will take time and effort for me,
  • or I can ask myself an important question: do I really want that which this other person has?

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